HOW I FOLLOWED MY HEART

This story is going to get one of four reactions. There will be the logical, linear thinking, hard-working individual that will feel my decision was extremely risky and not well thought out, the soul searcher that dreams of the day in where they can make a similar empowering statement for themselves, the individual that simply does not care, and the go-getter entrepreneurial mind that is driven by the feeling of freedom and self-made happiness.

Truthfully I’ve been holding off on writing this blog post for a long time. Obviously, I just didn’t feel ready, but I have always known that it was an important one to share. Some time ago now, I was working for a large company as a traveling representative that provided me with all the golden perks. It was a great company to work for, with kind, fun people, great employee benefits, a beautiful company vehicle, free gas, a company credit card, bonuses and the job provided me with the ability to travel to some really fun destinations around North America and Mexico. 

The entire time that I had this job, I had also been building my online business. The two endeavors started at exactly the same time and I had honestly been dividing all of my time between the two. If I wasn’t working, flying into other cities and driving hours away from home (for my job), I would be creating content for my website, writing blog posts and designing activities for my online creative community. I felt that my work demanded me to focus on its tasks far more than a regular job that I could ‘leave at work’. I would be answering work calls late into the evening, writing emails at midnight and I was traveling away from home every other week.  As a creative person that is also a homebody, doesn’t love flying alone and values spending time with their family, pets (and husband), I spent most of my days feeling depleted, alone and sad, due to not living the life that I was trying to inspire others to live, online. The idea that anyone can consciously create each moment of their lives and design a business based on their creative passions and skills, was the message that built my online movement in the first place. My nights away from home would consist of me practically in tears, talking to my husband about how much I felt so alone and horribly not aligned with what I was doing with all my energy.

This emotional tug-o-war went on for over 5 years. Although I was always upset, my job continued to provide me with the funds to run my website, test new online programs, keep it alive and continue working towards being a full-time entrepreneur.  I think I began to brainwash myself, thinking that that was the way you do it if you are building your business. But I was getting to the point where I knew I had to make a change. Nothing in the big picture was changing! There were no major influxes of cash-flow with my online business and I didn’t feel any closer to confidently being able to leave my job. The fear of never being able to fully live my creative dream started to take over me, every moment of every day. Then, one day, the fear of me never being able to fully live my creative dream became much bigger than the fear of me not knowing if I was going to be able to make enough money. It all became extremely overwhelming, but I knew what I had to do. It was time to remove the golden handcuffs.

When I started to talk to people about leaving my job, I very rarely got positive feedback. Looking back now, only a few creative entrepreneurial friends that understood what it was like to be guided by their hearts and emotions, encouraged me. “People would kill for that job”, or “You better not leave your job, you’ll never find another one like it with all the perks it gives you!”, is what others would continuously say. People even reminded me that I wouldn’t have my company car or free gas anymore if I quit – as if I had never thought about that idea before. It all made me feel overwhelmed and simply horrible. My husband, the level-headed logical person in my life, understood how upset I really was and gave me his full support. But when it came down to it, I didn’t care what other people thought at all. 

If anyone ever asked if I had really been trying to make a go of it online, I would tell them that I was putting 100% of my energy into making it work. However after I left my job, the energy shifted and more creative inspiration kicked in. I think it was because I finally felt free. My time was my own. I finally realized that the energy that I had been able to put into my online business was only lukewarm (lukewarm energy gets lukewarm results), but I had no idea at the time for I was doing the best I could. 

The first month out of the gate I made much more than I ever had made online in a single month and also more than I was making at my previous job. I realized that by letting go of the massive contradiction that I was living, it allowed the doors of receiving to open up. I had released a huge success block by clearing up the contradicting brick wall that I was putting up.

How can you expect the universe to deliver you the option of filling up your schedule with clients, traveling for speaking events, or showcase a fun and exciting creative life when you are working 18 hours a day at a job that is 100% not in alignment with what you desire? It just won’t happen. You are just not meeting the universe halfway. Right?! And what about the feelings of being a fraud, suggesting that others live their dreams and believe in themselves,(yet you are not doing the same for yourself)?!

Since the time that I left my job, my online business has never had a bad month, in fact, it has always been fantastic! Me being open to all of the things that I want to do and allowing myself to spend the time to make them happen has really changed everything. I am hoping that by reading this, you will feel inspired to gather up the courage to make the leap with your own creative dreams and passions, or at least share this with a friend that needs to hear this story. Making the decision to make a change is always the hardest part. But don’t worry. When you are in total alignment with what your soul wants you to do, magic happens. Trust your intuition, fine-tune all of your ideas, make sure everything you do feels great and believe in yourself. You don’t have to be fully confident in all areas of your life to make a change, only brave in following your heart and intuition.

“Don’t you worry, you’ll find yourself. Follow your heart, and nothing else. And you can do this, oh babe, if you try. All that I want for you my son, is to be satisfied.”  – Lynyrd Skynyrd, Simple Man.